BEES!

In this edition of my screaming into the void, we may as well talk about bees. If you've been an avid follower of my posts heretofore (certainly you aren't, but I'll humor me...) you'd know that bees were never on my list of topics. But they connect so many of them! OK maybe just like one or two

In truth, I have to bring this up because they seem to almost haunt my waking moments. When a large black bug flies into my space, I instantly think "oh! is that a bee!" and it disappears before I can find it. When I'm driving through town and there's a swarm of bugs going every which way (you could find any number of videos online about them), but I just assume they're bees. That also includes the random buzzing noises, wasps that look like bees, they're everywhere.

Growing up, I was terrified of bees. I was also mischievous. But when someone tells me the risk potential outcome (stinging) of my actions (being curious about the world), I'm content to run and hide. Many a time, had a dream where there was a bee in the house and I just tear out of there. Always the same room, the same quasi-bee shape. Left me with a fear, I guess. But if all I have to fear is bees in my young age, I suppose that's a privilege.

Not sure if I've ever been stung. Went hiking in the mountains once and got sick and tired of all the darn mosquitoes. I like a good walk in the hills, working up a good sweat, sure. But the humidity started getting to me, having to wait for the group took its toll, and constantly getting violated by blood-sucking insects left me rather testy. So when I heard a soft buzzing by my ear, I went for it. And it went for me. Still have no idea what that bug was, but it was black and yellow and didn't appreciate my advances, lol.

But now I like bees. Or at least, whenever my partner asks what my favorite animal is, or otherwise just assumes, the answer is a bee. Why? Why do we like anything? If you consider anime or desserts, that seems a bit obvious as they are designed to be enjoyable from a more base nature. (I don't mean to say that anime is base, but that my appreciation of it is not developed beyond a way to pass time and distract myself from the world. If you see the greater significance in Japanese animation, that's your prerogative.)

I think I like bees because I know they do good. But lately that's a concept I'm struggling with. Why do we like things? If we ignore the "obviously enjoyable" aspects, we might as well try and cut out the "obviously good" aspects as well. For instance, I could say that I like doing basic car maintenance. I know it's good for the car, it's good for my wallet. Or maybe it's just the evolution of several iterations of cognitive dissonance.

But when you take a color as a favorite, you can't really isolate it for a "moral" good. Obviously. And I struggle to decide what my favorite color is. Or my favorite food. Song, music, etc. If I ever find things that I like without an obvious upside, I'll probably keep looking.

I think it's because I learned pretty early on that I need to defend every aspect of myself if it's going to be exposed to others. That, or immediately claim it's not worthy of defense. Take, for instance, this blog! From one perspective, no one should care about my thoughts or opinions as an expert in nothing. But part of me hopes that I might touch on some obscure topic that helps some obscure person. Grandiose, I know.

In the spirit of rationalization, I think I like bees because they're cute. Not because I recognize them as such, but because I know that it would be bad to hurt them, on account of being stung leading to pain. It amplifies their watchability for me. But you know what? I've been using the Google and the AI to find the best plants and such for attracting bees. Short of buying bee pheromones, I've done my best with the plants to try and invite them to the yard. Since winter, I have seen one bumblebee. So I'll keep looking at ways to entice them. And maybe I'll figure out why.